Rescue

This song just popped in my head recently (I didn't write it--it's one we used to do a while back), and it expresses what I've been feeling lately. Kind of goes along with that picture I had recently as well.

"Rescue"

You are the source of life

I can't be left behind

No one else will do
I will take hold of You

I need You, Jesus,

To come to my rescue

Where else can I go?

There's no other name by

Which I am saved

Capture me with grace

I will follow You

This world has nothing for me

I will follow You

I wish I had written that!

I was thinking about that passage of Scripture (it's in the Gospels somewhere) where Jesus asks His disciples if they are going to leave Him. And Peter says, "Lord, where else can we go?"

Think about that for a minute. Where else can you go? Can you just walk away from God? Can you even contemplate what that would mean? Think about it--there's really no where else to go! I can't live apart from Him. He is my breath, my source of life, my hope. And without hope, there is no life.

This may seem super-spiritual, and I am certainly not this way most of the time, but I've been feeling desperate lately. Desperate to get back to the roots of why I am doing this, why I am singing every week, why I am alive. I get so bogged down with the technicalities of service procedure, song flow, and business that I get very tired and forget my passion. It makes me weak, sad, feeling like maybe I'm losing it. And I don't want to lose it. I just have to remember why I'm doing this...why we're singing these songs. Why I have to attend rehearsals and go to meeting after meeting...I have to remember that the business side is not, and cannot ever be, the substance of my calling. I have to get back to my First Love.

Isn't it awful how easy it is to forget your First Love? But man, when you remember...

So, Jesus, I need You to come to my rescue. Remind me of why I am alive----You.

I think I love you...

This past weekend, I got a chance to visit my friends in Charlotte and be a part of the third Mosaic service ever. Charlotte’s a great city…I like it more and more each time I see it. But the main reason I’m growing so fond of it is because of a certain group of people…

Let me tell you something, kids. There is a revolution coming, and it’s being started by a group of twenty-somethings in a new city. These people have changed careers, left home and given up everything familiar in order to let the people of Charlotte know that they are loved. What more noble cause is there?

Sure, there are going to be nay-sayers. There already are. There will always be people who are offended with their approach and desire to be relevant. But honestly…who cares?

While I was visiting, I had the privilege of sitting in on a prayer meeting of the core team. I sat with them through fellowship, worship and prayer, and I was emotionally overcome at the hearts of these precious people. God has pulled together a group of beautiful, talented, passionate young people to reach a generation in a way that nobody has done before. And not only that, but He has burdened each of these hearts with a passion for the lost. That is what moved me beyond words—that each of these warriors, who gave up so much and moved beyond the comfortable, were in tears for those who currently walk in darkness.

In the midst of such faith, I also felt that passion stir within me…the passion that has long lay dormant. How could I have forgotten what it’s all about? I think I have become complacent with the big-church thing…satisfied with the large numbers, forgetting how we are supposed to grow. And why should we grow? So we’ll be in more magazines? So we’ll gain national attention? Aack!

We should grow because I finally get with the program and start spending more time with my friends who are lost—the people God has granted me favor with. We should grow because I get the courage to walk up to the guy at Starbucks that always fixes my coffee and see what he’s doing on Sunday morning or Tuesday night.

There are some members of the Mosaic team that look around and see not just random people in the mall but souls who are desperately searching for hope. And this is why they moved. This is why they show up every Sunday at 7am. This is why they meet and meet and meet…

This is why we’re here. This is why we do what we do.

God, let me not forget what I have seen and felt.
This is why.

take up your cross

I had a mental picture during Every Tuesday a while back, and I had forgotten about it until tonight when I was spending time with my good friends Gil and Amy. I love having friends that you can talk about this kind of stuff with, by the way. I highly recommend it...

Anyway, I think Nate was singing "Til I See You" at the time...and I had my eyes closed, and suddenly I had this picture:

I was standing in Jerusalem on the road to Calvary, and in front of me was Jesus, carrying His cross. And all around there were people mashed in, watching and jeering as the Savior carried His cross to the place of His death. And suddenly I realized that I had a cross on my back and I was following Him up to Calvary. From my viewpoint, it was just me and Jesus walking this road.

My cross was heavy and it hurt, and suddenly I thought, "I don't like this. I'm not comfortable. I don't want to carry this cross anymore."

And I veered off to the side of the road with all the jeering people and let the cross fall off my back.

Then I looked back at Jesus, and He hadn't stopped for me. He hadn't even really seen me leave the road, but I knew He knew. And He kept on going...

And then I looked down the road in the other direction and saw something that I hope I never forget. Following Jesus, as far as the eye could see, were all the true believers--millions and millions--and they all carried crosses on their backs. And as I stood at the side of the road, my back already feeling better because of the weight loss, my heart wrenched as I realized that all of my brothers and sisters were passing me by, following our Savior. And I was left standing on the side...all because I had been uncomfortable carrying my own cross.

And when it came to choosing between a bleeding back or being apart from Jesus, there was no other choice to make. I picked my cross back up, fell in line with the rest of the chosen priesthood, and fixed my eyes on the form of my Messiah trudging slowly up the hill, carrying a cross that would offer salvation to the mocking crowds all around Him. Such peace, such strength, such faithfulness and sacrifice were worth following, even in great pain...so I followed, and I never looked back.

Mark of the Lion

So I'm reading this trilogy by Francine Rivers called Mark of the Lion, and it is AMAZING. Seriously, check it out.

Here's the gist (or at least, the part that has to do with this blog): There's a Christian girl named Hadassah living around 40 A.D. in Rome, and she ends up getting thrown to the lions in the arena and severely marred, but she doesn't die. She has a scar from her hairline to her chin that's pretty deep, and she keeps it covered with a veil so she doesn't freak other people out. Now, this chick is incredible--her faith and love for people draw everyone to her, basically, and even though she's a fictional character, she's a model for me. Anyhoo, one character, when remarking on how different Hadassah is and why she wears a veil, says:

"She has the mark of the lion on her. People fail to see what it means."

That, of course, is a two-fold statement. Literally, she was physically attacked by lions, and it is obvious to anyone who really knows her that God spared her life. However, most people don't understand that when they first see her scars. Figuratively, she has the mark of Christ Jesus on her and that affects how she lives her life. She is a Christian. She was persecuted for it, and God allowed it to happen. Though she has scars, she lives to tell people about this miracle of God's mercy...

If you've ever read the Chronicles of Narnia, you may remember a scene toward the end of The Horse and His Boy where Aravis gets attacked by a lion, who turns out to be Aslan (the Christ figure) himself. Aslan had a reason for doing this (to humble Aravis, to teach her to treat others better, etc.) and when reading the story, his reasons are obviously merciful and just. But she will have scars on her back--basically, the mark of the Lion--for the rest of her life.

Application time!

God allows stuff to happen to us that hurts like the underworld. We have scars from divorce, unfaithfulness, abuse, disaster, mean people, whatever. Sometimes they are things God uses to teach us, discipline us, turn us around. Sometimes they are things God uses to show us His mercy and protection. And sometimes we never quite figure out the reason because it's part of a much bigger picture that we can't see yet. No matter what the cause or reason, we have scars.

The question is, what do you call your scars? Are they reminders that you were once a victim of unfortunate circumstances, or do you recognize these scars as the "mark of the Lion" and use them to tell others of God's mercy?

Let's pray.

Harold, the Dust Mite

Hi, my name is Sarah and I HATE change.

So, my dad got re-married about two weeks ago and is going to be selling his condo where I have lived off-and-on for about 4 years (so, I have a lot of stuff there). Let's consider the changes this entails, shall we? Well, actually, let's skip past the re-marriage stuff and move straight to the moving thing.

Here's the thing with moving. Even if you're leaving a place you weren't staying at all that much or that maybe you didn't even like, there's still something really sad about it. It's really depressing for me to take pictures off the wall, because those pictures provided comfort to me. Watching the wall go from a multi-colored mural back to a blank palette feels like a defeat. Removing trinkets and artifacts from a room that was once your own but will now belong to someone else just plain ol' sucks.

So, imagine all of that and multiply it by at least ten--because I hate change more than most. If I'm going to change something and smile about it, it's because I've thought long and hard over it and I've made sure it's something I want to do. However, when it's something that someone else decides, that forces me to make changes, I have an extremely hard time.

Some types of change I don't mind--like the occasional redecorating. This is one of the changes being "forced" on me because of the move. Today, I was considering with some degree of pleasure how I would reorganize the bedroom of the house I live in now. I was thinking of what things I would put on top of my dresser, realizing that some things would have to go. Then it occurred to me that I'd have to dust before rearranging anything. This is a simple observation, yes. But when you dust as often as I do (meaning...never), you think, "Ew. There will be a pretty thick layer by now..."

Please don't puke; I have a point.

Why don't I dust more often? Well, for one, because I'm plumb lazy. But the other reason is that I never think to, because I never change anything on my dresser. The same stuff has been up there for years. I never move things, I rarely add to it, and therefore, I never think of dusting it. But the dust, over time, can actually harm the wood, as well as getting into the air and aggravating my allergies. So, the effect of not changing things is negative.

Same thing goes with staying in one physical position for too long--you can cut your circulation off. Blood doesn't get to all the parts of the body when the leg or arm is bent for too long, and the foot falls asleep, or the whole arm goes completely numb (if you've never awaken with this, be grateful). You have to change something frequently in order to keep all of your body alive and functioning properly.

Change stimulates, invigorates, sometimes angers us. Usually it points out a weakness that we must, in turn, hand over to God to change in our lives. What happens when we let things get stale or cease to move in a forward direction? Dust collects. Circulation gets cut off. We stop growing and we begin to die.

Consider the bowl of water for my cat downstairs. If left unchanged for a day or two, the water will become stagnant and eventually a layer will form over top of it. Disgusting, isn't it? That's why the bowl has to be rinsed and refreshed at least once a day. Stagnant water is undrinkable. It's unusable for the purpose it was intended and must be thrown out.

In order to stay alive--and not just alive but growing--I have to undergo change. It has proven to be very painful at times. But I would rather take up my cross and follow Jesus, futher on and further in, than give into my fear of pain and remain here on the road, useless, stagnant, dead.

What's a Christmas Gram? I want one! Pt. 2

I was reading the story of the Magi today in Matthew, and I read that the Magi were known for studying the stars.

Yeah, I know, that's nothing too deep. But picture this. Can you imagine three (or however many) guys who spend all their time studying the stars--they have a passion for it--and they know everything there is to know about stars...and then suddenly, a star that they have never seen before (after years and years of study) appears in the sky. And you gotta think that if this star indicates that Christ has been born, it's gotta be a pretty magnificent star. Think of how excited the Magi must have been. What a discovery! I imagine that their curiosity was beyond peaked, and the thrill of the unknown was reawakened in their very hearts. And because of their interest, their years of study, and their curiosity, they met Jesus and ended up protecting his very young life. Isn't that something?

I think it's cool how God used their interests to lead them to His Son. There are practical applications of this idea, but I'll leave that discovery up to you.

Merry Christmas.

What's a Christmas Gram? I want one! Pt. 1

Does holiday music make you feel just a teensy bit depressed? It does that to me. I refused to listen to any Christmas music on the radio until about 9:30pm on Christmas Eve night, as I was driving back from my church services in Summerville to my home in Mt. Pleasant. And even then, in the midst of the actual holiday bustle (not the preliminary stuff that seems to start in August these days), I felt a little bit of discontent.

Why? I think most of the songs written for Christmas (not including Christmas carols, of course) are geared toward romance of some sort. Even if the lyrics aren't romantic, the orchestration usually is. So if you're single like me, you may start thinking, "Hmmm. That sounds romantic. I hate it. Stupid, shmaltzy Christmas music." This holiday has NOTHING to do with romance! So why all the romantic music? The kind of music they play tries to make you pine for either someone or for a time that has ended or perhaps will never be. So let's boycott it!!!

That's depressing, huh? :) Sorry. I am actually in a pretty good mood. This has been a better holiday than most, and I'm thoroughly enjoying myself. So...stay tuned for part 2.

Things I really, REALLY don't like

Take heed...

-People coming up behind me and squeezing/rubbing my shoulders. I don't care who you are. If I can't see your face, please don't touch me.
-Beeping things--alarm clocks, cell phones with new voicemail, etc.
-Being one of the first people at a party.
-Things shifting around or falling over in my car while I'm driving.
-Meetings I am required to attend that have nothing to do with me or my job.
-Rush hour in the rain when I'm hungry.
-Sore throats.
-Local commercials.
-Sticky substances in inappropriate locations (i.e. honey between my fingers or some such nonsense).
-Purple clothing...on me.
-Sometimes, talking on telephones.
-Muzak.
-Most Southern Gospel music.
-Miscommunication
-Arrogance (in myself more than others)
-Change...

Now I run the risk of getting a little too serious with this blog. It's a lot more fun to dwell on what you like rather than what you don't, isn't it? Just a thought...

More poetry

One of my favorite poets is William Carlos Williams. He uses a very few words to create an incredibly vivid picture. Take "The Red Wheelbarrow":

~~~~~~~~~~~
so much depends
upon

a red wheel
barrow

glazed with rain
water

beside the white
chickens.
~~~~~~~~~~~

And that's it! Isn't that something? He must have been trying something with the three-words-then-one technique.
You're probably thinking, "Uhhhh...right. I could write that. That's stupid. How is that poetry?"
Well, I have a question for you. How red is that wheelbarrow? Can't you just see it? A bright, shiny, fire-engine red wheelbarrow, just washed with rain, beside a bunch of stark-white clucking chickens. The moment is so vivid...and then, because I'm hungry, I think, "mmmmm...chicken....."

That's what poetry does. It creates a moment--just a moment. Sure, sometimes it takes several tries to understand it. But the poetry that is capable of making you feel like you've experienced something is worth taking the time and effort to understand.

Look at "This is Just to Say":

~~~~~~~~~~~~
I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A poem written on a post-it note. Brilliant.

Something you may not have known...

I like poetry. Did you know that? I was driving back from Chapel Hill, NC, two days ago and I thought, "What can I put on my blog? It's been a while...Laura must be irked." So I thought, "Hmm, what about sharing some of my favorite poems? Surely people will find that interesting..." You see, I was an English minor in college (probably should have been a major--maybe it would have counted for more) and I actually LOVED reading and writing papers. That's part of me. So come, let me educate you in some fine literature.

This poem is called "Shine, Perishing Republic" by Robinson Jeffers. Published in 1963. It's a little morbid, but beautifully written. It's also one of the few I can quote.


~ While this America settles in the mould of its vulgarity, heavily thickening
to empire
And protest, only a bubble in the molten mass, pops and sighs out, and the
mass hardens,
I sadly smiling remember that the flower fades to make fruit, the fruit rots
to make earth.
Out of the mother; and through the spring exultances, ripeness and decadence;
and home to the mother.

You making haste haste on decay: not blameworthy; life is good, be it stubbornly
long or suddenly
A mortal splendor: meteors are not needed less than mountains:
shine, perishing republic.
But for my children, I would have them keep their distance from the thickening
center; corruption
Never has been compulsory, when the cities lie at the monster's feet there
are left the mountains.
And boys, be in nothing so moderate as in love of man, a clever servant,
insufferable master.
There is the trap that catches noblest spirits, that caught – they say –
God, when he walked on earth. ~

Wow. What do you think?

Fine, I'll blog.

Not a whole lot to say here except that I have just returned from Nashville, TN, where I worked a medical trade show with my dad. While I was there, I went on a date. A real, live date. With a guy named Jason. A stellar guy named Jason. (That's right, I said "stellar"--and I meant it too. I'm not exactly sure what it means, but it sounds appropriate.) As far as dates go, I think he has perhaps spoiled me for life...or at least for a good long while.

If you would like the details, I would be certainly glad to share them with you. But they will not be posted on this blog.

The end.

Oh, and I learned to line dance.

The end.

Looky looky

Taken by Mahmood.

I love to sing...and that is all.

Pop Quiz

Whimsical title, huh?

I have been going along in life pretty steadily. Working hard, getting rundown every now and then, but things are pretty even keel. I sing songs about trusting God, and I mean them. "Sure! I trust You! How could I not? Things are great!"

And then...pop quiz.

It's cliche to say it's easy to trust God when everything's going well. I know this. But sometimes cliches have good reason for being popular sayings. It IS easy to trust God when all is quiet--or rather, it feels easy because we think we're in control. Things are going smoothly. I can plan my days and feel pretty confident that everything will work out the way I think they should. Is God in control in those times? Yes. But somewhere in the back of my mind, I think I kind of take over. "Oh okay, the water's pretty steady...I think I can steer now, God." It's when the storm suddenly comes and you realize you haven't the foggiest idea how to handle a boat in a storm that things get chaotic. But you've GOT to stay in control, or else you'll capsize! So you run around frantically, trying to keep the ship moving along while scooping the water out so you won't sink...that's a lot to do if you're just one person.

Maybe I shouldn't try to use metaphors regarding boats. I obviously know nothing about them. But I guess that's the point. We're surprised by the storm, and we realize that we can't control this thing that we actually know nothing about, but we worry and wear ourselves out trying to fix it. Fix the storm? That's pretty much impossible. But we try. Hold the boat together. Keep the water out. Steer the ship. And we get so tired that we let go of everything, the boat capsizes, and we start to drown. Too tired to swim. Too fed up with trying to save everything and everybody. What's the use? The storm's too strong.

We know that God's voice is over the waters (visit the Psalm 29 post for reference). So do we trust God to calm these waters? Do we trust Him to steer this boat, in still and rough waters? Can we trust Him enough to let go of the wheel and just work on staying afloat? Sometimes that's all you can do--stay afloat. Keep from drowning. Keep from sinking in the rough and dirty waters of unforgiveness, anxiety, fear. Stay afloat.

I received some news yesterday that is threatening to pull me back into those waters. I have spent too much time spluttering and floundering about in that mess over the last few years, and I don't want to jump back in. How do I stay afloat?

Also, how do I live out what I sing? Every week, I tell people to put ALL their trust in God; to surrender EVERY PART of themselves to the Creator Who is more than able to carry them through anything--am I living it out myself? When the pop quiz comes in my own life, will those same people find me a hypocrite? What will they see when the spotlight is turned off, when I'm just standing in line waiting for a salad, when I'm sitting at my desk? Will they be inspired or disappointed? How will I respond to the storms? Will I live out what I sing?

People just have to understand that everybody goes through stuff. Everybody grieves. Everybody reacts in one way or another to painful situations...worship leaders aren't any different.

Very dramatic. Not at all whimsical. And awful metaphors. But I'm staying afloat...no matter what it takes.

One for the storybooks...

It's a funny thing...no matter how professional one is, the weirdest technical difficulties can happen to anyone. Experience does not matter. Experience will affect how you handle the difficulties, of course, but it will not keep the difficulties from happening.
I'm not saying that I'm Miss Professional or that I have years and years of experience, but I'm just saying--Even the best experience mad feedback sometimes.

Let me put a disclaimer here: I have the privelege of working with some of the most dedicated and diligent volunteers in the universe. Seriously. The band is fantastic, the tech team is wonderful and consistently cheerful, and I couldn't ask for a better group of people. This is not to speak badly about my team at all. My point is that even the best can experience the worst in technical difficulties.

So this past Sunday, we had more technical difficulties than ever. It was almost as bad as some of my Downtown experiences, and those are doozies. Another blog, perhaps.

To give you the whole picture, let's kick it off at 8am. I, of course, was running late, mainly because I just HAD to make a Starbucks run. While I'm going through the drive-through, I call my drummer Gale to make sure the sound guy knew where to put the keyboard. I was all proud of myself because I thought I was being super-diligent and a good leader. At that precise moment, my stomach decided that it was time to react to what I had eaten for dinner the night before. It was not happy, just to let you know. That became an on-going problem for most of the morning, which made everything that happened during that time so much worse.

I finally get to the church around 8:20, and not much is set up. We're supposed to start rehearsing at 8:30. Right. Turns out the main sound guy wasn't there, which is fine because the two back-up people are great, but this morning, for one reason or another, it was taking a lot longer. We didn't actually get powered up until 8:50. To add to the stress, I had not yet had a chance to rehearse the new song we were doing with the guitar player I had that day. So time was extremely limited and we had a lot of work to do--never a good combination.

At that moment, Geoff, Shawn, Josh and Jason arrive with about 12 pastors from around the country. I think God was laughing.

As they lined up in the back of the room to see how professional Summerville was during rehearsal, we finally got started. Things are going well, the song sounds good, and then--BOOM!!!!
The power on the left side of the auditorium (including the stage) shuts off.

Oh, the laughter heard in Heaven at that moment...

Then the sound people (KUDOS to Ron and Karen, by the way--seriously) somehow worked out the problem and at 9:10, we started working on the new song. This was a new worship song, by the way, that I had sent to everyone five days earlier. At 9:15 (15 minutes before the first service), we finished. Then I heard the tech lady in the back call out, "Was that a special?"--meaning that she had not yet entered it into the powerpoint so that everyone could read the words.

After my head spun around a few times, I calmly explained to her that, no, it wasn't, and I told her what I needed done.

It would be tedious to explain the rest, since it really just involved me on the verge of exploding (but holding it in rather well, I thought) after having person after person ask if I was okay. I hate that I wear everything I feel on my face.

The first service was rough, but then I got to play with little Nathaniel and the world was right again. After that, the second service went muuuuuuch better--Hallelujah!

At least I can laugh at those days now. I don't laugh during the actual event, but an hour or so later when I'm explaining it to my mom or Josh and it seems very, very funny.

Those are the times that determine your professionalism. And I think--I hope--I pray that we passed the test. Because I sure don't want those kinds of things happening often. Or ever.

If you're gonna be a cover band...

When I was in Charlotte, we went to a place called Birkdale, which is basically an even preppier version of Towne Center--if you can imagine that. It's nice. Anyway, every Friday night they have a live band playing out on this little lawn area. This particular week, a band called "Reach" was entertaining us. They were playing some good oldies like "Sitting on the Dock of the Bay" and fun stuff like that. And they were tight, too! 3 guitars, a bass player, drummer, keyboards, 3 vocals and a saxophone (could have lived without the saxophone, but oh well). For an average band to have so many instruments and be as tight as they were was impressive.

However, when I finally stood still and listened, I realized they were doing something a little odd. They were on the song "Signed, Sealed, Delivered" by Stevie Wonder, but here is what they were actually singing:

"Here I am, Jesus
Signed, sealed, delivered,
I'm Yours."

And on "Give Me the Beat, Boys," they sang:

"Give me the beat, Lord, to free my soul
I want to get lost, let myself go and drift away..."

Then they said their name was "Reach" and it all became clear. The funny thing is, they were good enough that they could have just done the songs like normal and it would have been fine. I realized that if I ever had the chance to do that with the band I work with, we probably would have just done the songs like they were written. I don't know how I feel about the changed lyrics--I understand what they were about, but singing "Here I am, Jesus...signed, sealed, delivered..." just seems odd to me.

But either way, kudos to "Reach". You highly entertained me, although perhaps in ways that you did not intend.

To Charlotte and back

This weekend I went to Charlotte to visit my friends on the Mosaic team. It was an action-packed 28 hours, let me tell you. In that time span, I sat in on a web design meeting/argument, went to Red Rocks with Gil and had pumpkin cheesecake, watched a pathetic hour of 7th Heaven, went to dinner at Jackelope Jack's, saw "Flightplan", explored Birkdale, shopped for five hours at North Park mall (sweeeeeet!), and watched "Wayne's World." Oh, and I also saw where everybody lives/works (for amy, it's the same location) and what's cool is that they're pretty much all within a one-mile radius of each other. The actual city of Charlotte (the business district, I guess) is very close, and there are all sorts of other places to go...reminded me a bit of Nashville. And I've come to the conclusion that...Charlotte is a pretty cool place to start a church.

However, I have heard that starting a church is the number one hardest thing you can set out to do. It's never what you expect it to be...it certainly isn't glamorous. Right now, it's five people squeezed into a little bedroom/office in an apartment with really big post-it notes on the walls, each containing a long list of to-dos--and none of them are easy! For instance, on Gil's post-it list, it says "Find 1st and 2nd string musicians". Do you know how hard it is to find good worship musicians in the first place? Musicians aren't that hard to come by, but musicians that are also worshippers--now that's tough.

So work is very hard for all of them--and this isn't even their "job" persay. This is almost volunteer for a lot of them.

But morale is good, dedication is high, and God is moving. Keep at it, my friends. I'm proud to know you. See you soon.

Dear Anonymous Bloggers,

Whomever you are, please do not leave your unsolicited advertisements on my blog. Though you begin your messages very nicely, I do not believe that you enjoy reading my blog or that you read it at all. I will not ever click the hyperlinks you post, so please do not think that you are obtaining more business. Your comments are only annoying me, as well as the "real" readers of this blog, and will quickly be deleted.

Best wishes to you, whomever you are, and here's hoping you find a better place to advertise.

Yours sincerely...

Right now I am thinking...

Lately I've been having some trouble with my voice. I am going hoarse very easily. It took me a week and a half to recover from First Wed/Thurs (singing at about six more services and acting as a referee at the Kickoff during that time period didn't help), and once I got my strength back, I did Groundswell. Thought I was all healed up and ready to go. But during rehearsal, I went hoarse again!!
What am I going to do if my voice goes hoarse everytime I sing? This frightens me. I had this problem long ago when I first started at the annex...then I took some vocal lessons during my last semester in college and that seemed to help. Now I'm using the info I got from the voice lessons (or at least what I can remember), but I'm having this problem again. What to do, what to do.
I would go back to that voice teacher, but I don't think she likes me anymore... (looong story. it's not because I was a bad student. really.)
It just occurs to me that if something happens to my voice, like getting nodules or something...that's pretty much it. I mean, this is what I do. This is what I love. I do other things, yes, but this is the main thing. It's scary that I could be singing wrong or doing something incorrectly now that will negatively impact my voice for the rest of my life. Same thing goes with having distortion in my in-ear monitors by accident, which may cause future hearing loss.
Perhaps I'm being paranoid?
I don't know. If anybody has some advice, please share. I will use "vocal-Eze" spray, call my voice teacher, drink more tea with honey instead of coffee...
I have to be proactive with this, I guess, which stinks for me because I'm so lazy. ;)

More good band names...

My Broken Fork

or

Troy's Bucket

Keep 'em coming, people.

The Progress of a Pilgrim

I went for a walk on the beach the other night. I don't do that often enough anymore...and I had a deep thought. A very deep thought.

I realized that I have been guilty of the "I'll be happy when--" syndrome. You all know what I'm talking about. The thought that lurks somewhere in the back of your mind (or perhaps right in the forefront) that says, "When _______ happens, I'll be much happier/things will be better/God will REALLY be able to use me." Insert whatever into the blanks, like dating, marriage, better job, bigger responsibilities, fewer responsibilities, more friends...

I realized that somewhere in my head, there's been a sense of anticipation that this is not all there is. "There's more out there," "I'm moving on to something bigger and better," etc, and the result of those thoughts has been a general feeling of discontent. I begin to feel unsatisfied with my current situation (which is not at all a bad one, by the way), and I start to think that I'll feel much better when the situation changes...that I'll be more effective for the Kingdom when I'm really doing what I'm good at doing, and none of this extraneous, boring stuff...

Wrong-O.

Philippians 4:12--Let's read this one out loud together, shall we?
"...for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength."

Have you ever thought, "Yeah, yeah," when hearing that verse? I don't mean that in a bad way--I just mean that it seems so impossible sometimes! So don't get the idea that I've got this one figured out...it's a very difficult concept to really embrace and live out. The point is, I need to be content right where I'm at. God can use me just as much here as He can somewhere else--just in different ways than what I was planning on.

Sometimes, because of my love for performance that creeps in every now and then, I judge the effectiveness of my ministry based on how many people are standing in front of me. However, I don't think God looks at how many people are listening to me. I think He looks at whether or not I'm ministering to people, no matter where I am or how many there are. You can do more good encouraging one coworker sometimes than singing a song in front of a thousand people. Wherever you're at, are you ministering to people?

God knows the desires of your heart. He knows them intimately and He cares about them. But no matter where you are, there's always going to be the "dirty work" that you don't want to do--the boring, tedious, management stuff that you just have to do. So suck it up and do it.

Back to my feeling of anticipation. I don't think this is a bad thing. Psalms 84:5-7 refers to people who "have their hearts set on pilgrimage...[who] go from strength to strength, til each appears before God in Zion."

We should always be moving onward spiritually. We should always be changing, by God's hand. We should be moving from "strength to strength" and have our hearts "set on pilgrimage"--to the next thing God is going to do in our lives! That does not necessarily mean that we're always waiting for God to bless us or give us more. I think it's more like we're anticipating God to use us again--soon! Some people have visions of the new places, be them literal or spiritual, that God is calling them to. Naeem did, and now he's following that call to start a church in Charlotte.

So, we must be content with where we are now, but we also need to be ready for God to uproot us from our comfort zones and move on to the next "strength". How do we do that? Where is the balance?

Who knows. But here's a great quote from Jim Elliot: "Wherever you are, be all there."

Wherever God has placed you RIGHT NOW, be all there. Work at it "as unto the Lord". Be content until He moves you onto the next thing.

I've got a sense of anticipation...but I'm here to stay until God moves me on.