it's beginning to look a lot like...

It's Christmastime!! I LOVE Christmastime. I started listening to Christmas music back in September--mostly for research, but partly for pleasure. That's a little different for me, since I usually resist the introduction of anything Christmas-related before mid-November. This year is a little different, though. Not sure why, but I have just been very excited about Christmas coming...maybe it's because it's my first one as a married woman. Regardless, the hope that Christmas represents is one of the greatest gifts we have on earth, and that is something to celebrate no matter what the month. *cue piano music*

We decided to do things a little differently as far as church decor this year, which means that we basically built everything from scratch. I thought the results were pretty fantastic, so I decided it was blog-worthy and have included some instructions if you're of the Pinterest-persuasion.

This is our "North-pole"-inspired sign that was built from scratch by a carpenter here at the church. It's made entirely of old barn wood! We painted it white, glued red ribbon all the way up (Mod-Podge is a wonderful thing), and added the signs and snow later. If you look closely at the signs, they have been painted for an antique effect, which is actually very easy to do! See below for the instructions. 

We added Christmas-related words, like "Rejoice," "Emmanuel," "O Come All Ye Faithful," etc. to guide people into the worship center and children's hallways.

We took our very tired wreaths from Christmases past and revived them with some inexpensive red decorations and ribbon. It worked wonders!

And these...these are our masterpieces: homemade winter trees. We cut down some tree branches from the woods nearby, sponge-painted them with primer, and mounted them to the stage. I. LOVE. THEM.

And here are just a few more antiqued signs, hand-painted by the masterful Jeanne (of Jeanne Mitchum Photography--she does everything well). These are hanging in the back of the auditorium, tying the tech booth into the scheme of the whole room. 

To antique a piece of wood, 1) choose your base color. This will show through your top coat when the product is finished. 2) When the base color has dried, apply a layer of school glue to the whole piece. 3) Before the glue has dried (not wet but still tacky), apply your top color. As the glue and paint dry together, the paint will crack, revealing the base color and giving the piece that antique look!  

And when I say, "we," in this post, I really mean the geniuses below: John and Jeanne. John is the master of crafty, and Jeanne is just plain awesome with a paint brush. (There she is, throwing fake snow on the top left. Very serious business, this.)

Weeks like this make me love my job even more. We hope we have created a home-like atmosphere for the people attending our church this Christmas season. At any rate, we had fun.

So how do YOU decorate for Christmas?

for the birds.

I'm a bird nerd.

I'm drawn to things with birds on them--artwork, jewelry, etc. Birds were a theme at my wedding. It almost got to this point with me:



But it's not just because they've become very cool in our culture lately. I've become more interested in them over the past several years, especially after seeing the birds of paradise segment in "Planet Earth." I think they are one of the most fascinating species of animal that God created. I'm even at the point where I think I might enjoy bird-watching...but we'll see.

I saw one today during one of the parking-lot-walks that I often take during the day (sitting at a computer all day is the killer of creativity...and physical comfort). This little guy was sitting on top of a telephone pole, chirping at the top of his lungs for no apparent reason. I couldn't help but stop and listen to him, admiring the freedom and downright gusto with which he sang his song.

Each bird has its own song, you know. Its song is different from every other bird's song, and it's specific to breed and gender. And no bird seems afraid to sing.

I then think of the people around me. Each person has his or her own song to sing. It's different from any other person's song, and it is given them to benefit and beautify the world around them. And I do mean everyone: the cashier at Target, the guy driving like a crazy person on the interstate, the elderly woman with Alzheimer's at the assisted living facility...the person you don't like so much, the person you love...even you. Sometimes the beauty of the melody is muted by our hang-ups, but when we are finally freed up to truly sing our song, the world is changed for the better.

What's your song? What experiences do you have that need to be sung? What personality did God give you that is meant to be contributed to the chorus?

Furthermore, who can you teach to sing? Who can you harmonize with? And whose song do you need to listen to?

painful tuesday.

Difficult week so far, this week. A friend and coworker passed away unexpectedly, a highly respected pastor left his post for less-than-happy reasons, and multiple marriages are falling apart at the seams--and it's only a day and a half into the week. Oh, and then there's all that mess going on in the Middle East...

Lord, we need Your help.

Perhaps you're going through your own season of chaos as well. Maybe you're like me, when the weight of all that's going on in the world leaves your head spinning and your heart gasping for air. I don't have anything to offer you--except the truth of Who God is. And so I offer these songs of worship...may they remind you of Him and draw you to His side, even when you don't understand.

Every blessing of peace to you.

there's joy in the village

One of the highlights of my week these days is singing with the residents at our local assisted living facility. Sometimes the routine of it can feel like drudgery, but once I get in there and start singing with them, I am always grateful that I came. Music has that kind of power...especially the old hymns.

Serving the forgotten generation brings such joy. I wish you could see them, waking out of their fog to music that they've known for decades. I wish you could hear Miss Vivian crow like a rooster when we sing "Old MacDonald Had a Farm." I wish you could experience the atmosphere shift in the room when the critically ill, Alzheimer's and dementia patients forget their anxieties for a moment and truly enjoy the music. I wish you could hear the grumpy ones speak up suddenly and teach me an old song I've never heard before, and then hear the rest of the group chime in to sing along.

I wish you could feel what I feel, when I look out on these precious people and realize that, though their days seem bleak right now, Jesus' heart burns for them just as much as it does for me. He longs to comfort them and to bring them joy.

Some days, He uses me to help do that. And I'm so grateful.

By the way, I asked Miss Vivian to be my grandma. She said yes. :)

Who is the forgotten generation in your life? Have you considered how you might reach out to them with the love of Jesus?

ashes into beauty.

Yesterday, as I was reading the daily devotional in Jesus Calling, I came across Isaiah 61:3, where it talks about God's power to give us a crown of beauty instead of ashes. I started pondering all the ways He's turned ashes into beauty in my life...

He took a season of deep heartbreak and turned it into hope, healing, and an appreciation of the good and perfect, so that I was no longer tempted by the lesser-than.

He took an occasion of great humiliation and turned it into deep-seeded humility.

He took a tragic circumstance and brought healing, wholeness, and great blessing to my family through it.

Truthfully, some piles of ashes are still waiting to be turned into something glorious...but I know it will happen. God is always faithful.

What about you? What broken thing has God made beautiful in your life? What is the pile of ashes that you're currently waiting for Him to change? Be encouraged--He will never fail you.

Blessings on your weekend!
-S

Worship Wednesday 8-22

Hi! Happy Wednesday! Thanks for stopping by. I honestly have no idea who reads this thing (or if anyone reads it [besides my parents, of course--thanks Mom and Dad!]), but whoever you are, I hope you will take a minute today and focus on Him...or, if you don't know God, maybe you'll stop and think, "Who is this God and why does this girl think He's so great?" And maybe you'll go find out. Anyway...

Today, I want to feature a song that speaks deeply to my heart. It's written by my friend Gil Gatch, who not only is an excellent song writer, but a phenomenal person as well. Gil has been through some incredibly dark seasons in his life, during one of which I had the privilege of walking alongside him. (I say "privilege" because it really is an honor to be able to help support a friend through hard seasons.) I watched as he suffered tremendous heartbreak, confusion, and betrayal...and, amazingly, he chose to worship in response to all of it. The songs he wrote in that season have comforted so many people, and this is one of them.

(By the way, Gil is no longer in that dark season. No, those days are long gone, and he has emerged as a complete victor--in the best and godliest sense of the word.)

I don't have a video of the song, but what I'd like to do is ask you to go purchase it on iTunes. Seriously. It's more than worth the $.99. No, Gil did not ask me to plug his song or church's album. I'm just telling you that this song is incredible, and you will be blessed. Look up "I Won't Move" by Freedom House Church from the "Count You Everything" album, and let me know what you think. Maybe one day I'll get Gil to do a Q&A on the story of this song... :)

Be encouraged today. In every season, God is worthy of our worship.

worship "wednesday" 8-9-12

Today, Thursday is Wednesday. :)

I've been slack about posting lately...why? Because sometimes I have trouble finding a song to sing...or time to sit and be still...or really, the mental capacity to turn OFF my brain, especially as it regards worship music. As a worship leader and music arranger, it's very hard to take the work out of worship. It doesn't matter what song it is--I'm probably considering whether or not the lyrics and chords flow well, how (and if) we would do the song at our church, what key I might do it in, how it would go over, etc. I can be sitting in a worship service, truly engaged, and I hear one mistake from a band member and think, "Uh-oh," and snap right back into music-director mode.

I'm also rather skilled at mental multi-tasking--meaning, I can be actually leading a song, singing all the words, and simultaneously be taking mental notes on 5 different things we need to fix in the arrangement for the next service. It's a little bizarre. It definitely helps me to do my job, but it doesn't help when I'm trying to unplug and worship.

So, for me to have a legit musical worship time on my own is tough! I tend to lean more on journaling with Him as an expression of worship than anything else, but even then, I tend to focus on challenges in my life rather than His greatness. Those conversations are precious, and He downloads so much wisdom and truth to me, but I really do need to spend more time just loving on Him. I'm convicted even as I type...

In these worship posts, I really have been trying to just pick songs that seem to express what I'm experiencing of God through my quiet times, rather than what I'm really worshiping to on my own. There are some songs that really get to me, though, and even if I can't pay attention the entire song, at least I can for about 80% until my work brain kicks in. :) This is one of those...I sat and played this yesterday by myself, just because of how honestly it expresses my heart toward Him. And it's in 6/8, and for some reason, 6/8 songs transcend me to the secret place. Maybe it's the dancing feel about it...God keeps reminding me to dance with Him these days.

So I will sit, and try to be still, and focus on Him for at least 80% of the song... :) Blessings to you.

after the war.

I feel like we’ve just come through a war. Millions of bullets were fired, and casualties ensued. Friendships were broken, good opinions were thoroughly decimated, and confusion reigned as king.

But now that Hurricane Chik-Fil-A has subsided, I can look back and see at least one good thing that came out of the storm. I’m still processing through it, but I know that, at least a little, I have been changed for better.

In reading many different articles and opinions of friends as they sounded off about the whole debate, I have been forced to consider my own stance and ask myself some questions that I hadn’t considered. Namely, what would Jesus have done here? I can envision Him walking into a Chik-Fil-A on any given day last week, and the whole place going silent—protestors and assenters alike. I think He would have looked each person in the eye and examined their hearts, and they probably would have left the building. He may have ordered a sandwich, but only if He were hungry…

I envision a roomful of equal sinners, dropping their stones.

Then I considered what God says about our “right” to freedom of speech, and whether He thinks we should work so hard to defend it.

I know that freedom of speech is actually written into the Constitution of our country, but really, freedom of speech is a God-given right for all men. If He gave us free wills and voices, then apparently we’re supposed to use them.

Think of Paul and Peter. They spoke freely about the Gospel, though the government (legal and religious) opposed them. Then they were arrested and beaten. Then told to never speak openly of Jesus again. Then they went right back out to the courtyard and started preaching again. They didn’t wait for someone to give them free speech—they just spoke freely.

I’m not aware of them leading any kind of boycotts, or rushing to support a local scarf-maker for his views on the Torah. They just preached, like they were called to, and loved the people in their spheres of influence.

They also didn’t use their free speech to bash the government, but rather to just speak Truth. Gospel Truth, essential Truth, life-saving Truth. And they were beaten and arrested again. And released again. And on and on it went, until they both gave their lives for speaking openly for the Gospel. Thousands of men were saved because of the way these guys lived their lives.

So, the demonstration at Chik-Fil-A…was that a good use of the freedom of speech given to all men? Or was it a vain attempt to stand up for something non-essential (for one’s salvation, I mean) that we adhere to in the Christian faith? Does God applaud us for taking such a stand for freedom of speech, or rather grieve that an entire people group felt even more isolated from the true God—the God they’re supposed to see in us?

I’m just wondering if we spend more energy being God’s defense attorneys than His actual hands and feet.

Anyway, that’s all I got. Deep stuff for now…like I said, still working through it. And feeling very grateful for the friends who challenge me on what I’ve blindly accepted so that I may truly examine it to find the truth.

worship wednesday 7-25

Joining Tiffany today as we try to just sit and worship for a minute...I have trouble with that, especially while in front of my computer, so I might excuse myself to a private place in the office for a few minutes (if I can find one).

God brought this song to mind following my quiet time this morning...I love Him so.



He calls us friends if we follow His commands...and at all times, He is the Friend that sticks closer than a brother. So grateful for His unending friendship.

Be blessed, worshipers!

thankful seventeen.

#336 - 364

the music of Bethel Church

Jenn Johnson

vacation nail polish (we're talking BRIGHT hot pink)

watching old and new thriller movies with my husband

vacation food

surprise dates

rain and a screened-in porch

reading a biography and feeling smarter

Dietrich Bonhoeffer

true stories of courage

love that conquers tragedy (bless you, Colorado)

washing machines

bookstores on a quiet Sunday evening

misheard lyrics

arranging music in a new style with great musicians who I also get to call friends

relaxed conversations

easy friendships

teaching truth

weekly coffee dates

the personalities of our house pets

fresh paint

redecorating

sunny mornings

gas station coffee

cheerful gas station attendants

that "I just worked out" feeling

giving people opportunities to use their giftings

Bob's Red Mill unsweetened coconut

the voice of the Lord bringing clarity and comfort


What are you thankful for today?

(currently reading this...)

Worship Wednesday 7-18

A happy worship break for today:



I'm basking in the goodness of God all around me today. Coffee with a new friend, an unexpected Starbucks treat from a darling girl, great conversations about life and redemption with my dad, an opportunity to breathe life into students later, relaxed times with my mind-blowingly wonderful husband, and an extended vacation (see last week's post for info on that--God extended my vaca to a two-weeker, and I have a feeling it'll go for three...). God's heart is so precious. I make life with Him seem harder than it really is...once I let go and relax in Him, things go a lot more smoothly. How about you?

Enjoy Him today, friend.

'cause you've got to have friends...

I’ve struggled with being myself for years. I think it goes back to when I was about ten years old...I got “dumped” by my best friend at the time for another ten-year-old. I was absolutely crushed. What did I do?! I must not have been good enough, I thought.

A couple of similar instances occurred when I was a teenager. Go through that kind of thing enough times, and pretty soon you’re terrified to be yourself, because apparently that isn’t good enough to keep your best friends around.

I don’t feel that way now, but I did for most of my life. There are ways to cope with these feelings—keep people at a distance, only share certain things about yourself, just make people laugh, etc. In my case, I was afraid to share all the aspects of my personality, but I was fine in sharing what I was struggling with in other areas. I haven’t quite wrapped my head around that one yet. To my close friends I was considered (in a good way) an open book, and yet, even with them, I didn’t feel quite safe enough to just be myself. Man, I wanted to…but I was just too afraid of being dropped again.

So, I presented myself as an always-cheerful, funny, bouncy kind of girl and held my arms out to protect myself. I would drop into a conversation, say something to make people laugh, and bound away quickly without getting into an actual conversation. I would steal the show and dance away, with nothing to show for it.

I actually lost a few friendships this way, I believe. And I hate that. Because a show-stealer is really not who I am.

Finally, I had to drop the act. It was hurting people, which is something I never, ever wanted.

It took a few hard conversations with people, more healing conversations with God, lots of reminders from my grace-full husband, and a final “What the heck am I doing?!” realization about myself to get to the point where I’m not trying to impress anyone anymore. I don’t have to entice people to be friends with me, I realized. I don’t always have to make people laugh, and I don’t always have to add to the conversation. I’m equally okay when I’m silly, thoughtful, or quiet.

Now, I am a funny person. There is just no getting away from it—I make people laugh. And I love to do it. It’s one of the qualities God bestowed in me. And I am truly a generally cheerful person. It’s just that I’m not trying to be someone interesting in order to impress my circle of acquaintances anymore, and I’m not so concerned with always having something profound to say. There’s a lot more to actual relationship than that.

And the great thing is, I’m seeing fruit! I’m now in the midst of a few new relationships that are budding, as well as the true friendships that have stayed in my life for years. I have people who are genuinely interested in me, and I in them, and I’m standing back in awe of what God is doing.

My friend Shawn says that if you look at my blog alone, you’ll think I’m a depressed person. While that makes me chuckle, I say that even the funny and cheerful folk have deep thoughts from time to time. Even they have wounds, and even they learn to grow from them… and it’s all ok, because it’s real. If anything, I hope this blog inspires you to be real, too. God is in the reality, taking us from glory to glory…

Much love,
S

Worship Wednesday 7-11

Happy Wednesday!

Here's what's going on in my world regarding worship:
Our worship team is currently brainstorming some new (to us) songs to incorporate into our weekly worship services. There's a lot of great stuff being written these days that I'm really excited about, as well as some older tunes we could spruce up. I'm enjoying the process of listening and thinking. As far as writing our own, we've kind of dropped that process for the time being due to life circumstances, but we'll pick it up again. Someday. I was working on a few original songs a little while back--now that I think of it, I really need to sit down with those again.

Meanwhile, God has me on vacation this week--mental vacation. Meaning, I'm not allowed to try to fix myself. I've been a chronic "fixer-upper" for as long as I can remember, but not on good, constructive household projects. No, I get consumed with seeing my own flaws and trying to process through them as quickly as possible. The result is that I end up beaten to a bloody pulp, because I am absolutely no good at showing myself grace or allowing myself time. I was reaching the breaking point of my sanity early this week due to this nasty pattern...So, God sent me on vacation.

It's actually really grand to not think deeply about too much right now. I'm able to look around and SEE people--astounding. Did you know other people are going through stuff? Did you know great stuff is happening in your own life, too? Amazing!

Sarcasm aside, God knew exactly what I needed, and He's giving it to me, just like I prayed a few weeks ago. I thought I needed a physical vacation, but I really need an internal one. So I sit back in my spiritual Adirondack chair with Him, looking out over the ocean, and I breathe. And He breathes. And it's just easy.

All while I'm at work in my office. Is it possible that this could be a lifestyle? Oh please, God, say yes...even for me, this bleeding fixer-upper.

This song continues to be a statement of the grace of God for me. A reminder to relax and enjoy time with Him...



Be blessed today. Know that you are not alone in your struggle. God knows exactly what you need, and longs to give it to you. Keep running to Him.
Under His grace,
S

Worship Wednesday!

Yes, it's Thursday, but I didn't want to wait any longer! I'm joining this one a little late, but I'm excited to participate in Worship Wednesday and be held accountable to post more regularly!
This comes from some of my blogging friends, beautiful Tiffany and the ever-inspiring Hillary. The idea is to pause for a moment and pay attention to God by posting a worship song that is flooring us recently and share a bit of what the Lord is doing in our lives--basically, to use the internet for the best possible purpose. :)

I heard this song for the first time late last week and had chill bumps the entire time. I cannot wait to introduce it to our congregation, but in the meantime, I want to experience it fully myself:



The whole album is rocking my world. I highly recommend it...

I also decided to join April in a #Scripturedoodle journey through the alphabet. Each day, we take the next consecutive letter for the alphabet and ask God what He thinks of us (starting with that letter). I write three words or phrases I hear, then find the Scriptures that refer to it. It's really been amazing and so, so affirming to be reminded of who God says we are, and to find new passion for His Word. I encourage you to jump in, too! Here's a few of my recent doodles (well, more words than doodling, but still):

All in all, I am loving the Lord and the journey He is taking me through in this season as a new bride. Tremendous freedom, tremendous healing, tremendous discovery...

Happy pursuit of Him!

thankful sixteen.

oof, it's been a long time. way too long. so here we go...the next installment of my on-going list of thankfuls.


#397 - 335

my chiropractor

occasional fancy dinners

Charleston restaurants

planning surprises for my husband

cooking dinner

Imogen Heap

Netflix

"24"

Niles Crane

getting things done on the "around-the-house" list

a new John Mayer album

figuring out how to make a cookie cake without overcooking it

growing our own plants in the backyard

fresh basil

cuddling with my husband and my cat at the same time

"Say Yes to the Dress"

planning a romantic weekend getaway

getting the chance to speak about worship

researching

finding out what "worship" actually means--I thought I knew, but researching and putting actual words to it provides so much clarity and refreshing

Lowe's

furniture stain

Bendheim Cabinet Glass

restoration

playing "Name That Tune" with senior citizens

finding out middle schoolers aren't that scary after all

watching people develop their artistic expression

obligation-free Saturdays

clean towels

Cane's Chicken

orange juice and coconut milk

the drive-in at Beaufort

my husband gifting our cat with a box--his new favorite thing.

good Chinese buffets (can you tell I'm thankful for food?)

God-given clarity and "ah-ha" moments that make you breathe deep

learning how to rest

reminders that I'm ok just as I am

clean lenses

metaphors

random recipe #2: stuffed peppers.

I made stuffed peppers for the first time a couple of weeks ago, and I have to tell you—they were delicious. When trying new recipes, I usually Google what I want to make, just to get the “skeleton,” if you will—the basic ingredients, the baking temperature and time—and then I make my  own interpretation.

So, giving credit to some kind folks at AllRecipes.com and Food.com, here is my latest version of the filling for stuffed peppers:

1 lb of ground beef
1 cup of cooked jasmine rice
½ jar of your favorite pasta sauce (I’m currently crazy about Trader Joe’s Tomato Basil)
½ cup of diced bell pepper (just use the tops of whatever bell peppers you’re going to stuff)
¼ diced onion
2 cloves of fresh garlic, minced
¼ red wine (I prefer using actual wine to cooking wine—less sodium)
a generous portion of Italian seasoning
salt and pepper
¼ seasoned bread crumbs (optional—just adds a fun texture)

Sautee the peppers and onions until tender. At the last minute or two, add the fresh garlic. It only needs to cook for a minute—otherwise, it will burn, and you’ll taste it later. Add the cooked rice, raw ground beef, peppers and onions, and everything else together in a mixing bowl.

This recipe will make enough filling for 6 peppers. Since I’m usually just cooking for myself and my husband, I will make two peppers at the time and then freeze the rest of the filling for later.

For the peppers:
After you’ve cut the tops of your bell peppers, cover them in a light layer of olive oil and roast at 400 degrees for 5 minutes or so to soften. Then, fill them with the mixture and add two tablespoons more of the pasta sauce to the top of each pepper. Reduce oven temperature to 350 degrees and bake the peppers for one hour. Toward the end of the baking time, add a little shredded cheese to the top and let it melt.

De.Li.Cious. Feel free to tweak...my favorite recipes are the ones you can make your own! Happy eating!

mug swap!

I participated in a fun little thing called a "Mug Swap" this month with other brilliant bloggers around town. I was assigned a blogger whom I had never met and was commissioned to get to know her (a.k.a. "cyber-stalk"--at least, that's how I interpreted it) and pick out the perfect coffee mug for her! 


I had the pleasure of getting to know Hillary of Sass in Spades. This great lady, wife, and mother of two has a passion for running and writing, and a growing burden for the people of Africa. She also has great taste in mugs. Here's mine:

I love it--particularly because I was recently drooling over a craft project Hillary did where she put initials on cool-looking mugs--like this one.


Hillary's blog is a joy to read, from her witty perspective, to her heartfelt letters to her kids, to random recipes she blogs about (like refrigerated single-serve oatmeal, which I am so excited about). I highly recommend you check her blog out!

And Hillary, it was a pleasure. :) Thanks for my mug!

praise and worship and life...pt 1

I'm studying the roots and history of praise and worship a bit, and here's a tidbit of what I'm learning:
Praise is vocal.
Worship is active.
Neither of them are passive. 


The quote I'm chewing on right now is, "The spirit of praise is a social spirit, calling for social utterance."


More to come...especially if you plan on attending June's First Wednesday in Summerville. :)

love story.

We met at church, apparently. I don’t remember it clearly like he does, probably because I was about to go on stage to lead worship. He was the older brother of my friend Josh. I said something like, “Ok, nice to meet you, see you later.”

Months later, at a New Year’s Eve party, I saw this handsome blonde guy across the field and thought, “Oh my goodness, who is that?” I wanted to learn everything about him, so I started asking people in our circle of friends. He was a baseball player, he worked at a staffing company, he attended the young adult service I went to occasionally, he might be there Tuesday night. “Then,” I thought, “I will be there Tuesday night.”

That is when my two-year crazy crush began. I was not the type of girl for passing, passive crushes. Oh no, I was all in. I was the pursuer. I went to church and found him there. I went to his parents’ house and found him there. I even stopped by his workplace with his favorite soda and candy bar one day. I was about as obvious as a girl can be without outright proposing. And yet…nothing.

Now, despite what one might think, it wasn’t all crazy all the time. We truly became good friends during that period…I was just hoping we would become more than that. For two years. So were other people. I got the “Why don’t you and Travis…?” question quite a bit, and all I could do was shrug. I didn’t know why he wasn’t interested; he just wasn’t.

But I kept trying…for two years. And finally, one night, I had a heart change. For years, and several other messed-up relationships, I had been the pursuer. I had tried to make things happen, and they were never the right thing. “Pursuer” just wasn’t the role I was supposed to play. If there’s one thing God has taught me over and over in my life, it’s “Don’t try to make things happen,” and this was one of those lessons.

I remember it so clearly. I was driving home after hanging out with Travis and a couple of other people, and I prayed, “God, if You want me and Travis to be together, he has to initiate this. I am not going to ask him out, and I’m not going to make this happen. He has got to be the one to make that change in our friendship. I’m putting it in Your hands now.”

And I truly did. I stopped pursuing Travis. I kept up my friendship with him, naturally, but I didn’t pine for anything more. I moved on.

Then, three years later…

I started getting text messages from Travis. A lot of text messages. Just seeing how my day was going, just joking around, just seeing if I wanted to hang out…it was very strange to me. The man that doesn’t flirt appeared to be flirting—and I liked it. I hadn’t been thinking of Travis as an option for years, but now, he was downright wooing me.

It got to the point that I had butterflies in my stomach when I saw him smiling at me at church. I got so nervous I had to leave the room to compose myself.

That night, he asked me out. He had realized he loved me a few months earlier, and waited to see how I would respond to his advances. He pursued the heck out of me. He wooed me. He won me.

Finally…finally…I got it right. I waited. I was pursued. And now I sit here typing, looking at the wedding bands on my left ring finger, and I marvel at the grace and goodness of God. Travis really is and always was the man I dreamed about. He is goodness itself, a strong man of integrity, a man who does what he says he will do. He still has to remind me to sit back and rest, to not initiate, to receive grace, and I am so grateful that he does it so patiently. Travis, my beloved, you were more than worth the cost of surrender.

Love you, baby.
-S

thankful wedding.

Hello. I'm back...and I'm married.

After five months of planning and preparing, we are now almost four weeks past our wedding. Hard to believe... The wedding was perfect. I had planned an outdoor ceremony...but it rained...and it was still perfect. That can only be God. :)

If you were part of making this wedding as beautiful as it was, and I haven't had a chance to thank you yet--THANK YOU. You made one of the most important days of our lives more beautiful, peaceful and joyful than either of us imagined (and we have really good imaginations). I can't thank God enough for putting you in my life...

Here is just one thankful list from the ceremony, although I have left many, many things out.

#359-396

200 "team mitchum" pennants

tulips, orchids and gardenias

chocolate-coconut cake

marshmallows and skewers

hundreds of homemade desserts

white and yellow paper lanterns

240 wooden folding chairs

bookmark programs

gold ties and white ribbon

a custom music mix

a dear friend flying in from atlanta the day of just be a part of the ceremony

save-the-dates, invitations and rsvp cards

"We Are the Champions" by Queen (our walk-out song)

rain

a cozy cottage

a wedding party of best friends

my sister's veil

cucumber sandwiches

pearls from my father

chaotic group pictures

niece and nephews

flower girls

ring-bearers

in-laws

a self-written wedding song

a favorite singer performing my favorite songs

swing-dancing with my mother

waltzing with my father

twirling with my Prince Charming

a sterling silver wedding band

Jeremiah 29:11

three pastors to officiate

family and friends traveling across the country to celebrate

240 smiling faces

laughter during a sacred ceremony

freak-out moments that make me normal (or so I'm told)

driving away with my husband...

psalm 18: my story.

I found my story in Psalm 18 the other night. I’ve read that passage many times and clung to its promises, but I just realized it chronicles my journey over the past two years.

My verse 4 came around this time two years ago. I had been grieving for months over an event that broke my heart. Do you know what it’s like when you know the sun is shining outside, but you can’t feel it? It was like that for me, for months. I felt like I was walking in a rain cloud everywhere I went. I was doing everything I knew to do—praying, getting others to pray for me, reading the Bible—but I just wasn’t getting better. There was just one thing I hadn’t been willing to do yet, mostly because I thought that, if I had to do it, I must really be crazy. I didn’t want to be labeled “crazy,” even though I honestly felt like I was going insane.

I remember the moment. I was driving into my mother’s neighborhood to cry things out over lunch (a frequent habit for me at the time), and I remember thinking, “I’ve done all I can do. I’m at the end of myself. God, whatever I need to do, I will.”

That was when I looked into getting counseling.

Now, for some of you, that’s not a big deal. You understand the need for counseling and how it works. I, however, was coming from the (wrong) perspective that, if you need counseling, you are really messed up. But the truth was that I really did need help, so if my thinking I was “messed up” was what it took for me to get the help I needed, then it was worth it. Whatever the method, I came to the end of myself and was willing to try something I had been afraid of.

So I admitted to someone in the know that I needed counseling, and I got a recommendation. God’s provision was in that recommendation, because the person I ended up with was so fitted to understand my personality that I cannot doubt the hand of God in guiding me there. That started my true healing process, and it touched more areas of my heart than I can recount.

I had been thinking that faith was supposed to be enough to get me through the difficult times, and because it wasn’t, I must be failing. My faith must not be enough.

But it turns out that I did have enough faith. It takes faith to ask for help. It takes faith to try what you’ve never tried. It even takes faith to follow God into a counseling office.

And in those next 18 months, God rent the heavens and came to my rescue. The foundations of my belief system were shaken, and the rotten bricks were torn out. He exposed lies I had believed about myself and about Him, and through counseling, gave me the tools I needed to replace them with His Truth. (Turns out there are practical, cognitive ways of “taking every thought captive!”)

He led me to books, teachings, and Scriptures that talked about the very things I was dealing with. He sent people into my life to help carry me. He even brought my husband into my world at the exact same time I started counseling, and he has been instrumental in my healing.

God spared no expense, yet again, in getting me free. He rescued me from my despair.

It was a long, arduous process to get me free…but I am free. And not only free, but strong! My enemy has truly lost his ground, and he will not take it back. And I will not turn back until he is destroyed…

Does this mean I don’t still struggle from time to time? No. The same thoughts still try to come back and get me to fear. But I know how to fight them now, and they will not conquer me.

I’m telling you this to tell you there is hope, no matter your situation. Psalm 18 can be your story, too. I’m not saying counseling is the magic answer to your prayers, but I encourage you to broaden your view of how God wants to heal you. He wants you to be free, and He will do whatever it takes to get you there. It may be hard, but nothing could be more worth the freedom and healing that is on the other side.

be Mine.

I just wanted to take a moment and give you a breather from all the hearts, candy, and red-and-pink combos that, for whatever reason, accompany the 14th of February.

Valentine's Day is a tough day for a lot of people--single and married. Delayed hopes have led to sickness and pain in many hearts, and the barrage of commercials, Facebook statuses and romantic movies just pour salt on the wounds of failed expectations.

I'm not here to continue that trend. I only want to tell you that you are loved. Really, truly loved.

I have been where some of you are. Hurt, lonely, confused. And I have experienced some of the deepest healing of my life through the journey God has me on. But it surprised me, the way He did it. It wasn't this relationship that healed me. Honest-to-goodness, what has healed my heart at the deepest level is truly embracing God's love for me. It was getting past the lies I've believed for so long and finally walking into the Truth of who I am, and--to be cliche but perfectly serious--Whose I am. While my fiance is wonderful and I adore him, he has not healed me. God has.

And you, my reader, have the chance to step into that journey of discovering His love for you now, just as you are, single or married or what-have-you.

No matter where you are, He is saying to you, "be Mine." He is enthralled by your beauty (Psalm 45). No human being can love you as truly as He can.

It's time that we (and I'm speaking to myself, too) stop looking to others for the love that we can only get from God. Everything else pales in comparison.

Be encouraged, dear heart. You are loved, truly, deeply, completely.

Happy Valentine's Day.

ms. varner.

Ms. Varner died this week. She was 102 years old.

"I'm goin' around the second time," she used to say with a smile. Always cheerful, giving the sweetest smiles, even though she was confined to a bed and an oxygen machine.

It's my first loss since I've been going to this particular retirement home in our town. I figured it was coming, but I wasn't sure how it would feel.

The hard thing about serving in this kind of ministry is that, instead of seeing people get better, you watch them decline...and it's normal. Age and illness deteriorate these precious bodies right in front of your eyes. You see it, and you look past it. You try to make this day count--for them, and for you.

It's a unique pain, but honestly, it's beautiful. To get the chance to know some of these precious people, to learn their stories, their likes and dislikes, their senses of humor, their favorite songs...it truly is a blessing. The relationships you build are worth the potential loss.

I believe that's almost always the case.

It's worth it to pour yourself out. Because, at the end of the day, you made someone feel like they matter. And in turn, they made you a better person.

life as a jam session.

I acknowledge Pastor Phil Strange’s latest message as the inspiration for this blog post…

Phil got me thinking recently about the idea of “life as a jam session.” For you non-musical folks, a jam session is when a group of musicians come together and improvise music. They create on the spot as a team. It takes familiarity with your craft and also with your fellow players to be able to do this successfully, because it involves the art of listening and then responding with the skills you already have. This is also the way of improv theater, come to think of it…

The more familiar you are with the other players, the easier this kind of improvising becomes. In terms of the worship team I play with, we have spent so much time together on and off the stage that we know each other intimately. Sometimes it’s like we can read each other’s minds, and the effect of that unity on our group dynamic is nothing short of incredible.

God moves in that kind of unity…

The thing about jam sessions is, you have no idea what you’re going to create until you’re actually there, doing it. With improv theater, you’re creating a scene on-the-spot with no script. You’re purposely venturing into the unknown—with an audience. For a lot of people, including myself, the unknown causes some anxiety. But as you build trust and relationship with the ones you’re venturing into the unknown alongside, the fear becomes less. At least you’re facing it together, and at least you know who’s by your side.

Isn’t it that way with God? The more intimately we come to know Him and His character, the more assured we can feel as we walk into unchartered territory. We can face the future, having absolutely no idea what it contains, because we know the One Who is beckoning us forward.

Now, He is Who He is, regardless of how well we think we know Him. He is always good, and He will never change. But our growing understanding of His Truth builds our faith so that we can step into His future for us with some level of assurance. It changes our perception, and that makes all the difference.

I’m learning that it’s our perception of our future that either propels us forward in confidence, or keeps us crippled in fear of the unknown.

When we embrace the intimacy God offers us, life really becomes a jam session between us and Him. He brings all His goodness, power and wisdom to the table, and we bring our hearts, personalities, passions, and every other good thing He has created. And the flaws…we bring the flaws, too. And that’s also good, because it provides other areas for Him to complete us.

I want to know God so well that I'm comfortable living life as a jam session with Him. When I look through the Bible, I see the glorious results of living that way…and I want in! I am determined to become a good improviser, because He has made me competent to do so. He is enough, and so am I...how about you?

bowling.

This past weekend, Trav and I checked two things off our "dating bucket list": ice-skating and bowling. You would think that we would have accomplished these things when we first started dating, but they ended up being a part of our engagement period instead. I think it was better that way, at least regarding ice-skating. The fact that I was willing to stumble around on slippery ground and potentially look ridiculous for an hour and a half is indicative of true intimacy...

The bowling expedition was great fun, especially at the uninhabited Swamp Fox Lanes in Moncks Corner. The whole time I was thinking of Jim Gaffigan's bit on bowling...especially the dirtiness of the equipment.

There's something romantic about doing the simple things like bowling...what do you and your significant other like to do on dates?

thankful Christmas!

it's been a busy and wonderful 9 days of Christmas so far...much to be thankful for. Here's a recap of the highlights to add onto my Thankful list:

-Christmas Eve dinner with my mom, my dad and stepmom, and my future in-laws. (It was great. How many people can boast of that? True redemption.)

-Christmas morning with Mom

-Christmas Day dinner with 20 or so friends and family members--one big family, really.

-wearing lots of fun, dangly earrings

-dreaming of the future with Travis

-counting down the days 'til the wedding

-watching "Wives and Daughters" multiple times

-drinking tea at home

-drinking tea with future mom-in-law at This Whole House

-coffee, coffee, coffee

-a whole week of quiet mornings with Bingley

-taco night

-Scrabble

-"War Horse" and "We Bought a Zoo"

-"Megamind" and "How to Train Your Dragon"

-holiday scented candles, supremely discounted

-buying our first Christmas tree

-new kitchen toys to play with

-a cat stocking for Bingley

-watching Travis shoot his rifle

-cheering on Jeanne while she tests out new zombie video games

-date night

-changing out my closet and giving clothes away

-having a relaxed schedule for an entire week (thank you, Greg Surratt!)

-thinking about reading a book...but too busy relaxing to actually do it...so I'll blog instead. :)

Happy New Year to you!