thankful ten.

#224 - 245

Sara Groves' music

learning new things on the guitar, like blues scales (yes, finally)

God reminding me to not roll my eyes at myself

being reminded that God is the only One in my future (the devil doesn't belong there, and neither do my thoughts.)

the rain!!!!!!!

Trav coming home in exactly 48 hours

discovering new musical artists (currently into Sam Sparro)

growing more acquainted with the secret place

a weekend retreat to a new city with a good friend

"The Holiday"--as much as I don't like Cameron Diaz or her character's story, I so enjoy the Kate Winslet part of the movie!

finishing two novels while Trav's been away

consistently getting up early

consistently working out

practicing being still and truly being rewarded for it

being successfully dairy-free for two weeks

fresh figs

serving homemade dinners and dessert to good friends

handwritten letters

massage chairs

finding a way to have a French-toast-like treat without dairy

God's provision. He always provides when I am in need, and there are not enough numbers to recount the times He has done this for me...

resting in His Word (sometimes peacefully, and sometimes in total exhaustion...)

joy and other thoughts.

I just had a couple of thoughts to share today. Some of these things I'm sure you've heard before, but I think we can all stand to be reminded from time to time. :)

-We all need people who will help us laugh when we feel like crying. I know several of us on the worship team have been saved from breaking down in tears during a worship service because we've been distracted in the nick of time by some adlibbed craziness backstage. Laughter can save us from plunging the depths.

-We also need people who will cry with us. I have a friend who literally cried with me when my beloved cat died. I can't tell you what that kind of compassion can do for one's heart in the midst of trial...shared tears are powerful stuff.

-True vulnerability is more effective than the false appearance of strength. I have found this to be true in leadership, teamwork, friendship, and even mass communication. It paves the way for others to listen, to open up themselves, and to receive.

-Look for joy today. Search for it, expect it, and rejoice when you have found it. God has it somewhere around here, just for you...

a day in the life.

Travis often poses some unique get-to-know-you questions that make me think before answering. Recently he asked me, "What are some things you look forward to every day?"

I love this kind of question, because it causes me to think of a list of positive things, and that always lifts my mood! So here are some of my answers...(I'd love to hear yours, too.)

Every day, I look forward to:
-drinking coffee
-greeting and feeding my happy cat
-"puttering," as my mom would say (tidying up the kitchen and doing little chores while the coffee is brewing)
-going outside by the pool to read and journal with God
-getting myself clean and fresh for the day (a.k.a. taking a shower and putting on perfume)
-interacting with my coworkers
-emailing with different friends on the team and outside of the team
-getting to know people through deeper conversation
-texting and talking with Travis
-looking at pictures of people I love and moments I cherish
-drinking ice cold water
-drinking coffee again
-communicating with my parents
-listening to music (the mix of the day depends on my mood)
-playing piano (if I remember)
-checking Facebook
-thinking of something blog-worthy
-hearing God speak throughout the day through various means
-making plans for the next day or weekend
-getting off work
-maybe exercising...maybe...
-reading my novel (currently working on Mansfield Park for the 2nd time)
-figuring out what to make for dinner
-being with Travis
-playing with Bingley
-getting into bed and falling asleep

A lot of these are somewhat routine, I know, but blessings nonetheless. What do you look forward to each day?

sing!

God loves your voice. He wants to hear what you have to say. And He wants to hear you sing. Yes, sing. And yes, I mean you.

I’ve had people tell me that they never sing because at some point in their lives, they were told they had terrible voices. Someone made a joke, and it took root into the very foundation of their self-perception. And so, they stand amid the congregation during worship, silent...as if they are doing their fellow church-goers a favor. But when we do that, we end up denying God of one of the things He loves the most—our audible worship.

In the end, I don’t think His enjoyment has anything to do with the strength, tone or pitch of our voices (or lack thereof). Rather, I think it has everything to do with the sound our hearts are making as we choose to vocally express our praise, love, and desire for God.

The vocalization matters! God says repeatedly to make our music loud and to sing. The tone deaf, the offended, and the embarrassed are not left out from these commands. Why? Because God delights in our songs. Victories over the enemy are obtained through singing praise. And we are set free more and more as we press into God through all avenues of worship.

He gave you a voice. You, specifically. He gave you a brain and a mouth and a way to express your praise through words that are wholly your own. Open your mouth and sing! He LOVES your voice. He wants YOUR praise. It is precious to Him! What you have to say, and to sing, matters to the God of the universe. Don’t keep such a gift held back from Him.

Your voice is beautiful, no matter how it sounds.

thankful nine.

#199 - 223

I read a devotional recently that reminded me to think of all the things I can enjoy TODAY, in the here and now, rather than rushing ahead to the hopes and plans of tomorrow. I think this is a great reminder, whether we are longing to be in a better place than we find ourselves today, or are excited about great and glorious things coming down the road and time just won't go fast enough! So here are some things I'm thankful that I get to enjoy TODAY:

-waking up to my cheerful cat, Mr. Bingley, and giving him breakfast

-drinking fresh, hot coffee that I made at home

-doing my Bible study in the quiet of my apartment before work

-writing in a journal that a friend mailed me out of the blue last week

-talking with my mom on the phone

-listening to Alison Krauss and Union Station's live album, which my dear friends Josh and Jeanne surprised me with a while back

-texting with my boyfriend

-planning worship set lists for the weekend at two different locations

-leading worship with a few close friends this evening

-having lunch with my dad and step-mom

-playing guitar just because

-problem-solving with faithful friends and team members

-writing a letter

-offering a few small words of encouragement when they seem needed

-air-conditioning

-flip-flops

-using the hair tie on my wrist when my long hair gets frustrating halfway through the work day

-beaded flower rings from Aura Lee's :)

-wearing the necklace I got from my team

-email conversations with friends

-holding a yellow coffee cup from IKEA--with coffee in it, of course

-looking at the picture of sweet little Pippin, my kitten who was loved by many and is now, I believe, chewing on paper in Heaven and making Jesus laugh

-remembering that God is in control and that I can breathe

-crazy-bright toe nail polish

-Chinese lanterns

What are you thankful for TODAY?

thankful eight.

#164 - 198

Today I have 35 reasons to be thankful. They are the 35 people who currently make up the worship team that I’m privileged to lead. This past weekend I got to spend time with many of them and noticed several things that made me realize I need to stop and thank God, right here and right now.

First, we have a new trainee named Michael who went to work early so he could leave early and get to the church by 5pm. He did that because Kathy, who was training him, found out she needed to leave early. He made sacrifices to meet her early and train, and then stayed until the end of rehearsal that night. Who does that? That’s amazing.

Our new sound trainee, Dick, handled everything on his own at rehearsal while interacting with the band, letting them know his needs, and being open to constructive encouragement. (Worship directors, take note: the ease of communication between tech and musicians makes ministry so much happier…)

Barb just started training on lights a little while ago to fill a need, and she has poured the same amount of determination and excellence into making this area her own as she has with running Song Show. It’s really incredible, and she’s always cheerful about it. The world needs more Barbs.

Then there were the musicians. Gale, our rock of tempo, is consistent in his excellence and preparation, while still being flexible and open to new ideas. Carl brings reliable and creative ideas to add freshness to the familiar. Joe is always perfecting his craft and learning new tricks, which brings our collective level of musicianship up a notch each week. Austin tackles music like science, and rarely meets a challenge he cannot conquer. Kelly is stepping out of her comfort zone to learn new techniques and to be prepared for anything that may come her way.

Kelly’s example reminds me…I think it’s the dedication to being the best they can be that makes this team so exceptional. It’s not for their own glory – it’s for God’s glory, and for the service of the team as a whole.

Gerald has only been on the team for a few months and has already proven himself able to go with the flow, as a few emergencies have come up on his weekends to play. Ryan is always moving forward as a leader and as a worshipper…Every worship team needs a Ryan Scott.

Then I went over to our other venue and watched more team members interact. The combined forces of Josh, Jeanne, Jamie, Lee, Dan and Stephen were something to behold. Stephen is another example of the commitment to being the best we can. This guy has been working on his vocal artistry with Ryan, and the work he has put into it so far has already taken him to a new level of vocal power and effectiveness. And why did he do that? Because he decided to not settle. He’s not trying for a record contract (as far as I know) – he just wants to offer his absolute best to God and to us.

One final thing I noticed…when I walked into our other venue, I noticed Woody, who was scheduled to run lights, was sitting on the front row with Lee’s little girl on his lap. Ellison had been crying because she wanted her mom to hold her, but Lee had to practice. So Woody, who had nothing to do at the moment because our lighting system was busted, took care of little Ellison by picking her up and holding her in his lap. Ellison was comforted by the grandpa-spirit in our lighting guy…how cool is that?

This is less succinct, I know, but it’s important to let these people know how amazing they are, and to let God (and you) know how grateful I am for each of them. If you've not been mentioned in this particular blog but you're on our worship team, know that I am talking about you too!! :)

I know now from experience that God can take a team of very different people and turn them into one cohesive, joyful family unit. Kind of like this one, but, you know, happier:

thankful seven.

#148 - 163

a solo church service in the backyard with iPod, journal, Bible and singing birds

exploring new territory with my love

finding the nearby Starbucks in an unfamiliar city

playing a childhood game as an adult

eating lunch outside

discovering the solution to a long-suffered mystery

a well-done, God-honoring film

a promising new novel

birthday parties

lettuce wraps

coconut-chocolate cheesecake

homemade tacos

Menchie's frozen yogurt

warm summer evenings before the invasion of humidity and mosquitos

a currently unwritten song creating itself in my head

the beckoning beach...

thankful six

I need to do one of these today...today I am thankful for:

#120 - 147

jump ropes

mums (flowers, not matriarchal figures)

playing wiffle ball

an unexpected few minutes with jeanne...she is always a delight.

having close friends who are good at finding the good

movie adaptations of my favorite stories (especially when they do them justice!)

fireflies

freshly bloomed honeysuckle

riding with the windows rolled down

productivity

helping create and implement something new

playing piano

waking up to my cuddly, purry cat

enjoying a quiet morning with said cat

a devotional that hits me in exactly the right spot at exactly the right time

the season of Good Friday and Resurrection Day

a Sacrifice that really does cover all my sins - past, present and future

learning what victory really looks like

a complete foot-washing

knowing I will never again be unclean

a secure future

unconditional Love

knowing what being healed feels like

wine and bread

restored relationships

reflecting on how far I've come

reflecting on how much He has done

knowing that there are more good things ahead...

thankful six: songs.

#86-119: I am always thankful for music, and tonight I want to share some of the songs I'm particularly grateful for. I am leaving out MANY songs for the sake of time and space, but here are a few to whet your appetite and get you thinking about the songs you love:

The Long Defeat

Sara Groves

Ribbon in the Sky

Stevie Wonder

Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes

Paul Simon

Something So Right

Paul Simon

Romance Larghetto

Frederic Chopin

Put a Penny in the Slot

Fionn Regan

Dry Cleaner from Des Moines

Joni Mitchell

Beautiful

Kari Jobe

Made Me Glad

Miriam Webster

Do I Do

Stevie Wonder

Tidal

Imogen Heap

Night and Day

Frank Sinatra

Only Hope

Switchfoot

I Fall For You

Fleming & John

Christmas Worship Medley

Israel Houghton and New Breed

You'll Come

Brooke Fraser

Enough

Chris Tomlin

Champagne High

Sister Hazel

Us

Regina Spektor

Waltzing Past the Grave

Jay Clifford

Dim and the Dark

Jump

The Story

Brandi Carlile

Downpour

Brandi Carlile

Dreams

Brandi Carlile

Shadow on the Wall

Brandi Carlile

Keep it Loose, Keep it Tight

Amos Lee

Maybe

Alison Krauss and Union Station

Tightrope

Janelle Monae

One Thing

Hillsong

Rescue is Coming

David Crowder Band

On the Road to Beautiful

Charlie Hall

Like a Lake

Sara Groves

Stockholm Syndrome

Muse

You are God

Gil Gatch

thoughts on worship - a video blog.

Here's my first video blog...thanks for watching!

thankful five.

# 70 - 85

a hawk sighting in suburbia

watching my cat try to figure out how to capture a ceiling pull chain

feeling holy passion rise up on the inside of me

Elvis the dog spinning in excitement

a special date to look forward to with my love

speaking just the right words and knowing that God has given me those words

new music to think to

watching weird and creepy children's movies from the 80s-90s

my team of beloveds

taco night

seeing God show up in the "nick of time"

singing with a hero

connecting people

having an unspoken (and forgotten) dream of my heart remembered by God

hazelnut decaf coffee

a picture that expresses my sense of humor

an unexpected gift!

I have much to be thankful for... In addition to continuing my list today, I have to tell a story.

Last First Wednesday, the worship team gathered in the kitchen for our usual pre-service tech meeting. I noticed that several members who were not scheduled that night had joined us. I thought they were just there to hang out, which was exciting enough for me, but it turns out they were there to see the look on my face when they surprised me with a huge bouquet of flowers, jewelry, a gift certificate, and a card of appreciation...just because. They were all so excited just to bless me.

These people give so much every week and they do it cheerfully - every last one of them - and they wanted to appreciate me?? I am overwhelmed. I love them like my own family - my children - and now, every time I look at this trinket, I am reminded of them all...and my heart is full.



To all of you on the Seacoast Summerville Worship Team (and your spouses): thank you. I love you more than I can say!

thankful four.

#51 - 69

Jane Austen (I will be eternally grateful.)

Regina Spektor

hot water on cold feet

a cardinal sighting

multi-colored leaves against a blue sky

having a day when it doesn't matter what time it is

jigsaw puzzles

a C.S. Lewis quote

the chance to encourage a friend

seeing Mr. Bingley proudly carry around a catnip mouse

game night

the promise of a good novel waiting to be read after work

problem-solving that actually works

a quick rain shower that resets the day

pictures of Ada and Tuller, my friend's miracle twins

being the sole hearer of a bird's proud morning song

working with a team of people who never take themselves too seriously

seeing tears of Godly passion on a friend's face

watching a young one figure things out

dance off.

Be still before the LORD
and wait patiently for Him...
Psalm 37:7

So not only am I a fixer and a do-er, but I'm also a recovering perfectionist. And let me tell you, those perfectionist tendences are fighting with everything they have as I engage in this process of learning to sit and just be. The perfectionist doesn't like the unresolved. It treats anything left undone like a cancer. "There MUST be a solution, and it MUST be discovered NOW. Inaction is sinful," it says. Hmmm, arguable. But regardless of the sin issue, God does not actually call us to inaction when He tells us to be still and wait patiently.

Hear me out: not only is there is great value in being still before the Lord, it's commanded several times in the Bible. It is not to be ignored, especially when everything in us tells us to run around frantically trying to fix things. Being still before God allows us to hear His voice and receive His strength, clarity, and overwhelming love. It's absolutely necessary to survive, as God says in Isaiah 30:15--"In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength..."

But being still is not the only thing instructed in Psalm 37. The other part is "wait patiently." You might think that this means to sit until things get resolved. Not a very practical plan. But actually, the original Hebrew term for "wait patiently" means a "slow dance." This is amazing to me: God invites us to be still before Him--to lay all our burdens down--and then to dance with Him.

God is offering us unbroken, beautiful partnership in the midst of the unresolved.

When someone you love does something that annoys you, or has a legitimate issue that they must deal with in their lives, do you hold them at arm's length until they get their act together? Or do you continue in relationship with them, loving them through the ups and downs of life? This is the nature of the dance that God invites us to join--a fluidity of motion, a tender partnership that moves gracefully around all the little piles of unresolved stuff.

And I find that it is through keeping up with Him in the dance that my stuff gets worked out. For me, a lot of my problems are rooted in not fully understanding or receiving His love for me. But when I'm dancing with Him, I can't really look inward so much, or else I'll trip. And the fact that He offers this kind of intimacy to me all the time, no matter what is going on, is healing me beyond what I can express.

My friend Josh says that you can't speed up your recovery; you can only slow it down. For me, slowing down my recovery as a perfectionist would mean continuing to try and fix myself. And I just simply can't do it.

I'd much rather dance.

unresolved beauty.

Be still before the LORD
and wait patiently for Him…
Psalm 37:7

What is it about being still before the Lord that is so difficult?

For me, it’s the fact that I hate the unresolved. Hate it. Doesn’t matter what it is – an unanswered question, a conflict I’m not sure how to solve, an area of weakness I’ve discovered in myself – if it’s unresolved, it torments me. I’m a fixer, a doer. I want answers, and I want them now. Maybe this is why I dislike brainstorming meetings so much. Too much is left open-ended! "Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it!!" I scream inside my head as the meetings drone on...

This intolerance of the unresolved used to really hinder me from enjoying being with the Lord, too. As I poured out my heart with specific issues, questions, and anxieties of the moment, I would sort of wait, hoping to hear something that would resolve everything. And very often, I wouldn’t hear a definitive answer at that moment. So I got up from those times thinking I had done something wrong. “Surely God would have answered my question if He were pleased with me,” I believed. I came away feeling more worried and condemned than I did before I sat down!

So God decided to put a stop to that, praise Him. He is now teaching me to be still before Him…and to enjoy it. It has been an irksome process, let me tell you, but one that I want to fully engage in. I want to get free.

I’m discovering a lot. Turns out He enjoys me, even with all the unresolved stuff. Turns out He’s not quite as concerned about each of my issues as I am…but that doesn’t mean He doesn’t care. Quite the opposite – the Bible is clear that God is concerned with every detail of our lives, down to the exact number of hairs on our heads, and He loves us more than we could love ourselves. And of course, He is concerned with working out the sin issues in our lives. But I think He has a different set of priorities than I do in terms of my personal growth.

This drives me crazy sometimes. To not have my questions answered when I want them is hard to deal with. But it occurs to me that if it were of utmost importance to God to answer my inquiry or solve my issue right at this moment, He would. I believe He would do whatever it took to give me an unmistakable answer if it were that important for my life. But if He’s not answering it right now, it leads me to believe that my question might not be quite as important as I think it is. And if the issue of the moment is not first on God’s agenda of things to focus on, should it really be first on mine?

If you are reading this and you are wrestling with some very serious unknowns, KEEP SEEKING. KEEP KNOCKING. Don’t give up. God loves you and He is not ignoring you. And of course, I will continue to pray about all my concerns – God definitely wants that!

But for me, it’s often the little things that hijack my mind, causing me to focus on worry after worry. I’m tired of letting those gnats ruin my time with the Lord. So instead, I am learning to ask, be still, and then listen for what it is that He wants to focus on in my life. Often this means that my questions go unanswered for a while. But learning to enjoy Him in the midst of the unresolved...well, for me, that is freedom.

So, what about being still before the Lord is difficult for you?

thankful three.

As I continue building my list of observable little daily gifts from God, I'm noticing a change in my outlook. Expectation, excitement, an involuntary smile...

#33-50

a dash of cinnamon

a song that I can play over and over and I still want to dance

a mug with the face of a Disney character

singing harmony

the smell of vanilla rooibos tea

a big flower in one's hair

gray eyes

exploring unfamiliar trails

a trinket that reminds me of a friendship

black pads on white paws

shared excitement

Gerald's Tires

thirty minutes in the sunshine

realizing I'm closer to health than I once was

the man i love reaching for my hand

reconciliation

experiencing, if for only a few moments, rest on every side

a new friend.

thankful two.

#16 - 32 of God-gifts...

choosing bubblegum-flavored toothpaste at the dentist

an unexpected trip to Whole Foods for breakfast

oatmeal with brown sugar and cranberries

the granola aisle

an unexpected trip across the Ravenel bridge on a sunny morning

the memory of his cologne

the hope of finding a new kitty

getting to your appointment in the nick of time despite the curse of traffic

a secret stash of dark chocolate

bluebirds

Gerbera daisies

stimulating conversations with a new friend (or with anyone)

a timely word confirmed several times

a prayer partner who always answers the call

fried green tomatoes with salmon

working on the same cup of coffee all day and having it still taste good

pulling aside for a moment to breathe in God

thankful one

I read this blog by Ann Voskamp recently and thought I might give this a try. I'm not much of a photographer, so please excuse the occasional Google images and stolen treasures from Holy City Photography...

Here's #1 - 15 of little gifts from God that I celebrate today (and just fyi, coffee will probably appear in about 300 of my list of 1000):

morning light through kitchen windows

quiet moments before the sleeping loved ones awake

peaceful morning time with coffee and Bible

the sound of small-town morning traffic heard through rolled-down car windows

a scented wax burner that reminds one of Mom's house

the feeling of longing to exercise

stolen kisses in a bookstore

a guitar pick within reach

a water bottle always able to be filled with clean water

Scotch tape on hand

Keep Calm, Carry On

sounding boards in the form of trustworthy people

laughing at the ridiculous inanimate (the motion-sensor potpourri sprayer: my arch enemy)

a spooning dog

the promise of tomorrow

2011 begins.

I haven't written in over a year. I don't know how many people were waiting with bated breath to see another post (besides Josh, that is), but I'm finally feeling the itch to start communicating on a grander scale again.

I entitled my only post of 2010 "Progress," and that turned out to be the theme of the whole year for me. It was a year of many changes, most of them internal. God began a tremendous work of tearing out old, faulty foundation, and replacing it with truth. He's deepened relationships I already had, while also bringing new people into my life to help me along in the process. He's provided for every step of the journey, even in moments of total darkness when I thought I'd never break through.

(He also turned a solid and true friendship into something wonderfully more...but that's all I'm going to say about that. Giggle, blush...)

So far, 2011 proves to be the continuation of that journey. From this place, right now, I can see things a bit more clearly than before, and I realize I've learned some lessons that may encourage you wherever you may be standing today:

-Most importantly, whatever you're going through, you WILL reach the other side of it. This is NOT forever. God is not going to leave you here, especially if you're crying out to Him. The enemy wants us to believe that things will never change, that we will always be this way, that there's no hope - these are all lies. God WILL get you to the other side. You WILL be victorious. Keep trusting, keep crying out, keeping walking. What you're going through matters to God, and chances are, it will matter to someone else too...

-God does not expose something in our hearts in order to condemn us. He does not reveal that we're stuck only to leave us there. He takes us from strength to strength, and He heals every wound.

-God is not going to force His way through a locked door in your heart. You are the one who invites Him into that place so that He can heal it and breathe life into the dead places again - and that really is what He wants to do.

-There is more power in openness and vulnerability than there is in maintaining a strong front. Openness dispels the power of secret fears, shame and lies trying to take hold, and vulnerability encourages more influence and trust.

-If something still hurts when it comes up in your life (a touchy subject, a relational issue, you name it), chances are God wants to heal it. You probably ought to let Him.

-God's desire for us is life, not just surviving until heaven.

-We are to be confident in Christ and in who He created us to be, not scared that we're going to screw things up.

These are just a few thoughts to get you started...stay tuned for more adventures through my mind.

progress.

"We made it," my good friend said a few seconds after the ball dropped, ushering in 2010. It was a weighty statement, because a few months ago, I wasn't sure I would ever get over 2009.

When my birthday rolled around in the fall, I looked back at the previous year and was grieved. All I could see were months of sorrow and pain from a great wound that was not healing nearly as quickly as I wanted.

And yet, by Christmas--just when I thought I'd feel the pain the most--my outlook had completely changed. And now, in 2010, by the grace of God I see a bit more clearly.

I see character developed.

I see relationships strengthened.

I see a future developing.

I see a heart healed.

And I rejoice. I rejoice that He has delivered me from all my fears. I rejoice that He has broadened the path beneath me. I rejoice that He has trained my hands for future battles, even while in the midst of fighting one. I rejoice that I learned how God arms me with strength by coming to the end of my own.

The pain had a purpose, I guess.

"For who is God besides the Lord? And who is the Rock except our God?" (Psalm 18:31)

There is no God besides the Lord--no friend, no medicine, no escape. He is all, and He is enough.

And now, I move forward.