3.08.2011

unresolved beauty.



Be still before the LORD
and wait patiently for Him…
Psalm 37:7

What is it about being still before the Lord that is so difficult?

For me, it’s the fact that I hate the unresolved. Hate it. Doesn’t matter what it is – an unanswered question, a conflict I’m not sure how to solve, an area of weakness I’ve discovered in myself – if it’s unresolved, it torments me. I’m a fixer, a doer. I want answers, and I want them now. Maybe this is why I dislike brainstorming meetings so much. Too much is left open-ended! "Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it!!" I scream inside my head as the meetings drone on...

This intolerance of the unresolved used to really hinder me from enjoying being with the Lord, too. As I poured out my heart with specific issues, questions, and anxieties of the moment, I would sort of wait, hoping to hear something that would resolve everything. And very often, I wouldn’t hear a definitive answer at that moment. So I got up from those times thinking I had done something wrong. “Surely God would have answered my question if He were pleased with me,” I believed. I came away feeling more worried and condemned than I did before I sat down!

So God decided to put a stop to that, praise Him. He is now teaching me to be still before Him…and to enjoy it. It has been an irksome process, let me tell you, but one that I want to fully engage in. I want to get free.

I’m discovering a lot. Turns out He enjoys me, even with all the unresolved stuff. Turns out He’s not quite as concerned about each of my issues as I am…but that doesn’t mean He doesn’t care. Quite the opposite – the Bible is clear that God is concerned with every detail of our lives, down to the exact number of hairs on our heads, and He loves us more than we could love ourselves. And of course, He is concerned with working out the sin issues in our lives. But I think He has a different set of priorities than I do in terms of my personal growth.

This drives me crazy sometimes. To not have my questions answered when I want them is hard to deal with. But it occurs to me that if it were of utmost importance to God to answer my inquiry or solve my issue right at this moment, He would. I believe He would do whatever it took to give me an unmistakable answer if it were that important for my life. But if He’s not answering it right now, it leads me to believe that my question might not be quite as important as I think it is. And if the issue of the moment is not first on God’s agenda of things to focus on, should it really be first on mine?

If you are reading this and you are wrestling with some very serious unknowns, KEEP SEEKING. KEEP KNOCKING. Don’t give up. God loves you and He is not ignoring you. And of course, I will continue to pray about all my concerns – God definitely wants that!

But for me, it’s often the little things that hijack my mind, causing me to focus on worry after worry. I’m tired of letting those gnats ruin my time with the Lord. So instead, I am learning to ask, be still, and then listen for what it is that He wants to focus on in my life. Often this means that my questions go unanswered for a while. But learning to enjoy Him in the midst of the unresolved...well, for me, that is freedom.

So, what about being still before the Lord is difficult for you?

2 comments:

Dad said...

I love you. Your growth in the Lord is such a blessing to watch. I can't wait for your next blog.

Andy Rider said...

Definitely something I needed to read as I also have trouble being patient and want to jump immediately into what's to come, rather than toiling through the "boring" bits of life that come my way. Well done, Sarah.