worship wednesday 7-25

Joining Tiffany today as we try to just sit and worship for a minute...I have trouble with that, especially while in front of my computer, so I might excuse myself to a private place in the office for a few minutes (if I can find one).

God brought this song to mind following my quiet time this morning...I love Him so.



He calls us friends if we follow His commands...and at all times, He is the Friend that sticks closer than a brother. So grateful for His unending friendship.

Be blessed, worshipers!

thankful seventeen.

#336 - 364

the music of Bethel Church

Jenn Johnson

vacation nail polish (we're talking BRIGHT hot pink)

watching old and new thriller movies with my husband

vacation food

surprise dates

rain and a screened-in porch

reading a biography and feeling smarter

Dietrich Bonhoeffer

true stories of courage

love that conquers tragedy (bless you, Colorado)

washing machines

bookstores on a quiet Sunday evening

misheard lyrics

arranging music in a new style with great musicians who I also get to call friends

relaxed conversations

easy friendships

teaching truth

weekly coffee dates

the personalities of our house pets

fresh paint

redecorating

sunny mornings

gas station coffee

cheerful gas station attendants

that "I just worked out" feeling

giving people opportunities to use their giftings

Bob's Red Mill unsweetened coconut

the voice of the Lord bringing clarity and comfort


What are you thankful for today?

(currently reading this...)

Worship Wednesday 7-18

A happy worship break for today:



I'm basking in the goodness of God all around me today. Coffee with a new friend, an unexpected Starbucks treat from a darling girl, great conversations about life and redemption with my dad, an opportunity to breathe life into students later, relaxed times with my mind-blowingly wonderful husband, and an extended vacation (see last week's post for info on that--God extended my vaca to a two-weeker, and I have a feeling it'll go for three...). God's heart is so precious. I make life with Him seem harder than it really is...once I let go and relax in Him, things go a lot more smoothly. How about you?

Enjoy Him today, friend.

'cause you've got to have friends...

I’ve struggled with being myself for years. I think it goes back to when I was about ten years old...I got “dumped” by my best friend at the time for another ten-year-old. I was absolutely crushed. What did I do?! I must not have been good enough, I thought.

A couple of similar instances occurred when I was a teenager. Go through that kind of thing enough times, and pretty soon you’re terrified to be yourself, because apparently that isn’t good enough to keep your best friends around.

I don’t feel that way now, but I did for most of my life. There are ways to cope with these feelings—keep people at a distance, only share certain things about yourself, just make people laugh, etc. In my case, I was afraid to share all the aspects of my personality, but I was fine in sharing what I was struggling with in other areas. I haven’t quite wrapped my head around that one yet. To my close friends I was considered (in a good way) an open book, and yet, even with them, I didn’t feel quite safe enough to just be myself. Man, I wanted to…but I was just too afraid of being dropped again.

So, I presented myself as an always-cheerful, funny, bouncy kind of girl and held my arms out to protect myself. I would drop into a conversation, say something to make people laugh, and bound away quickly without getting into an actual conversation. I would steal the show and dance away, with nothing to show for it.

I actually lost a few friendships this way, I believe. And I hate that. Because a show-stealer is really not who I am.

Finally, I had to drop the act. It was hurting people, which is something I never, ever wanted.

It took a few hard conversations with people, more healing conversations with God, lots of reminders from my grace-full husband, and a final “What the heck am I doing?!” realization about myself to get to the point where I’m not trying to impress anyone anymore. I don’t have to entice people to be friends with me, I realized. I don’t always have to make people laugh, and I don’t always have to add to the conversation. I’m equally okay when I’m silly, thoughtful, or quiet.

Now, I am a funny person. There is just no getting away from it—I make people laugh. And I love to do it. It’s one of the qualities God bestowed in me. And I am truly a generally cheerful person. It’s just that I’m not trying to be someone interesting in order to impress my circle of acquaintances anymore, and I’m not so concerned with always having something profound to say. There’s a lot more to actual relationship than that.

And the great thing is, I’m seeing fruit! I’m now in the midst of a few new relationships that are budding, as well as the true friendships that have stayed in my life for years. I have people who are genuinely interested in me, and I in them, and I’m standing back in awe of what God is doing.

My friend Shawn says that if you look at my blog alone, you’ll think I’m a depressed person. While that makes me chuckle, I say that even the funny and cheerful folk have deep thoughts from time to time. Even they have wounds, and even they learn to grow from them… and it’s all ok, because it’s real. If anything, I hope this blog inspires you to be real, too. God is in the reality, taking us from glory to glory…

Much love,
S

Worship Wednesday 7-11

Happy Wednesday!

Here's what's going on in my world regarding worship:
Our worship team is currently brainstorming some new (to us) songs to incorporate into our weekly worship services. There's a lot of great stuff being written these days that I'm really excited about, as well as some older tunes we could spruce up. I'm enjoying the process of listening and thinking. As far as writing our own, we've kind of dropped that process for the time being due to life circumstances, but we'll pick it up again. Someday. I was working on a few original songs a little while back--now that I think of it, I really need to sit down with those again.

Meanwhile, God has me on vacation this week--mental vacation. Meaning, I'm not allowed to try to fix myself. I've been a chronic "fixer-upper" for as long as I can remember, but not on good, constructive household projects. No, I get consumed with seeing my own flaws and trying to process through them as quickly as possible. The result is that I end up beaten to a bloody pulp, because I am absolutely no good at showing myself grace or allowing myself time. I was reaching the breaking point of my sanity early this week due to this nasty pattern...So, God sent me on vacation.

It's actually really grand to not think deeply about too much right now. I'm able to look around and SEE people--astounding. Did you know other people are going through stuff? Did you know great stuff is happening in your own life, too? Amazing!

Sarcasm aside, God knew exactly what I needed, and He's giving it to me, just like I prayed a few weeks ago. I thought I needed a physical vacation, but I really need an internal one. So I sit back in my spiritual Adirondack chair with Him, looking out over the ocean, and I breathe. And He breathes. And it's just easy.

All while I'm at work in my office. Is it possible that this could be a lifestyle? Oh please, God, say yes...even for me, this bleeding fixer-upper.

This song continues to be a statement of the grace of God for me. A reminder to relax and enjoy time with Him...



Be blessed today. Know that you are not alone in your struggle. God knows exactly what you need, and longs to give it to you. Keep running to Him.
Under His grace,
S

Worship Wednesday!

Yes, it's Thursday, but I didn't want to wait any longer! I'm joining this one a little late, but I'm excited to participate in Worship Wednesday and be held accountable to post more regularly!
This comes from some of my blogging friends, beautiful Tiffany and the ever-inspiring Hillary. The idea is to pause for a moment and pay attention to God by posting a worship song that is flooring us recently and share a bit of what the Lord is doing in our lives--basically, to use the internet for the best possible purpose. :)

I heard this song for the first time late last week and had chill bumps the entire time. I cannot wait to introduce it to our congregation, but in the meantime, I want to experience it fully myself:



The whole album is rocking my world. I highly recommend it...

I also decided to join April in a #Scripturedoodle journey through the alphabet. Each day, we take the next consecutive letter for the alphabet and ask God what He thinks of us (starting with that letter). I write three words or phrases I hear, then find the Scriptures that refer to it. It's really been amazing and so, so affirming to be reminded of who God says we are, and to find new passion for His Word. I encourage you to jump in, too! Here's a few of my recent doodles (well, more words than doodling, but still):

All in all, I am loving the Lord and the journey He is taking me through in this season as a new bride. Tremendous freedom, tremendous healing, tremendous discovery...

Happy pursuit of Him!