Psalm 137.

Challenging week, this week. Seems like God has had a pretty big lesson for me to learn every day lately. Sometimes I respond correctly, humbly, with grace, and sometimes...I don't. Usually I tend to feel like I'm the worst person in the world and self-flagellate until I almost go crazy from the guilt. That's the hardest concept for me to grasp-that there is no condemnation, now that I am in Christ Jesus. That God is not about guilt, and that He is not standing over me with frown and pointed finger. This lesson, He has had to teach me over and over and over and over...

Over the past week, Psalm 139 has been a tremendous encouragement to me...especially verses 11 and 12. I have added my own interpretation of what I think these verses mean...hopefully they will encourage you, too.

1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in-behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, [a] you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.


11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
(If I convince myself, "Okay, now I've really screwed up. Surely my sin is too overwhelming and God is fed up with me now...I've blown it and now I'm on my own,")
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
(Even the darkest part of my heart is not dark to you. You have searched me and still you say, "All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you" [Song of Solomon 4:7]. You are determined to bring light to every part of my soul. You will not give up on me.)

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to [b] me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.
19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
(if only you would just remove all sin within me right now! Just make me a pure reflection of you for all the days to come RIGHT NOW so I won't have to deal with this sin struggle anymore!)
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,
and abhor those who rise up against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.